you’re a psychopath i prefer creative..

5 minute break.

a candle for besties: smells like hot gossip and a lot of venting.

a hot mess.

a little toxic, a lot iconic.

a worried mom out-investigates the fbi.

acceso limitado.

agradecida, pero cansada.

ain't no hood, like motherhood.

alexa, mute my kids.

alineada.

alive. annoyed. repeating.

all the f*cks.

always chingona. sometimes cabrona. never pendeja.

ando descansando la cabeza.

ando en modo paz, gracias.

another year of pretending we have our lives together.

aquí no.

ask me about my cat. - cat mom.

babe, you light my fire.

bad decisions make the best stories.

badass candles for badass people.

barely balanced, beautifully so.

be kind, no sean culeros.

because i said so. - every mom.

being a mom is hard, but at least your kids aren't ugly.

best friends like you make therapy optional.

best mom ever.

bestie, lower your expectations.

bestie, today we celebrate your survival skills.

bestie, we are the problem.

blooming… reluctantly.

born to stand out and overshare.

boss lady infused with hustle & caffeine.

buena vibra, mal filtro.

buenos días, gente infeliz e insoportable.

buenos días, hoy no estoy de acuerdo con nadie.

built on trauma and iced lattes.

burn this when life feels like a monday.

burnout pending.

busy manifesting (wishing to be in bed).

but first, sin miedo al éxito.

but first, wake up the kids, get them dressed up, get lunch ready, give them breakfast, drive them to school, clean the house, make dinner, drive to the store, play with the kids, exercise.

cabernet all day.

calm the fuck down.

cansada, pero firme.

cansada, pero i got shit to do.

cansada, pero resolviendo.

caring was a phase.

carry-on feelings.

certified hot mess express.

chaos and calm at the same time. - boy mom.

chaos coordinator.

chaos, but make it aesthetic.

chingona de corazón, firme de carácter.

chingona, siempre.

claridad ante todo.

coffee first, meetings later.

coffee is mandatory.

coffee, candle and a good night's sleep.

compra emocional: me empodera.

compra emocional: me quiero ir.

compra emocional: necesito reírme del coraje.

compra emocional: sí creo, pero no aguanto.

con fe, pero sin paciencia.

cool moms club.

crezco espiritualmente, me alejo selectivamente.

cuida tu día, ignora a las amargadas.

currently ignoring all my responsibilities.

cute enough to get away with it.

cute, but psycho. but cute.

cute,but psycho.but cute.

dear boss, i’ll do it tomorrow.

dear mom, i get it now.

decido yo.

deeply unserious.

delulu but hopeful.

delulu is the solulu.

descanso pendiente.

desconectada.

desconectada, no perdida.

diosito, ¿ya madrugaste o qué onda.

do i get bonus points if i act like i care.

do i look like i asked.

do not confuse silence with peace.

documento — papel + almizcle.

don’t let the amargadas ruin your day.

don’t make me use my mom voice.

dormir ya es un concepto abstracto.

drama queen.

dream big, mija.

drink your coffee, it´s chaos out there.

due to inflation this is your gift.

due to inflation, this is your gift.

elevada, pero no mensa.

emotional support candle.

emotionally clocked out.

emotionally attached to iced coffee.

emotionally bankrupt.

emotionally exhausted but still funny.

emotionally stable-ish.

emotionally unavailable but hilarious.

en este momento, me elijo.

en pausa.

en paz conmigo.

en paz conmigo, no con todos.

energía protegida.

engaged af.

equilibrada, no pendeja.

error 333: sleep not found.

espacio mental.

espiritual, no flexible.

espiritual, pero con carácter.

espresso yo’ self.

estoy alineada, no disponible.

estoy en mi era de no explicarme.

estoy exactamente donde me debo.

estoy fluyendo, pero lejos.

estoy fuera del drama.

estoy ocupada relajándome.

estrés con estilo.

evolucioné. ya no explico obviedades.

fe con límites.

feliz por fuera. muerta por dentro.

fiesta con mi hijo = canciones infantiles.

first of all, that's my child. - cat mom.

first of all, that's my child. - dog mom.

for later.

for when you just want to burn something.

forever grateful our mental illnesses aligned.

friendship fueled by gossip and snacks.

friendship held together by memes.

fuck fuck fucking fuckity.

fuck around and find out.

fuck fuckity fuck.

fuck it, im done.

fuck this shit.

fueled by iced coffee and bad decisions.

fuera de servicio.

fui por calma, vuelvo mejor.

god forbid women have hobbies.

good luck finding better coworkers than us.

good luck finding your stuff on your own. - mom.

gossip is my love language.

got a problem? call my mama.

grito ¡dejen de gritar! para enseñar ironía.

hablas claro, actúas borroso.

hacernos bien entre tanto mal.

hakuna matata, sin preocuparse, es como hay que vivir.

happy birthday to my favorite emotional support human.

happy birthday to my favorite overthinker.

happy birthday to my partner in bad decisions.

happy birthday to the only person who truly understands my chaos.

hay gente que ni tragándose un cuarzo da buena vibra.

healing loudly.

healing, but slowly and with attitude.

home is where mom is.

hoy amanecí zen… hasta que habló alguien.

hoy no atiendo urgencias ajenas.

hoy no es mi pedo.

hoy no huyo, me cuido.

hoy no resuelvo.

hoy no resuelvo nada.

hoy solo existo.

huir, descansar, desaparecer un rato.

i bring nothing to the function except anxiety.

i care. just not today.

i don’t give a tiny fuck.

i don’t hate you. i just don’t care.

i feel everything. unfortunately.

i have emotions. i just don’t share.

i maybe wrong but that's highly unlikley.

i need a break from myself.

i put the pro in procrastinate.

i support women’s rights and women’s wrongs.

i support your bad decisions.

i survived, unfortunately.

i tried. it sucked.

i wish you were here.

i would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

i yell stop yelling to teach irony.

i’d apologize but i’d probably do it again.

i’ll just do it myself.

i’m a f’n professional.

i’m emotionally bankrupt.

i’m fine. this is me being fine.

i’m fine. don’t ask again.

i’m good at engineering sh*t.

i'm just a girl. millennial mom.

i’m listening. unfortunately.

i’m nice, no abuses.

i’m nice, pero no te pases.

i’m not anti-social, i’m socially selective.

i'm not anti-social. i just don't remember how to socialize.

i’m not arguing, i’m explaining why i’m right.

i’m not arguing, i’m just aggressively correct.

i’m not broken. i’m discontinued.

i’m not judging. i am, but quietly.

i’m not okay, and that’s okay.

i’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

i’m tired in a cute way.

i’m tired, but in a cute way.

i´m like a candle, pretty to look at. but leave me unsupervised and i´ll burn your house down.

id shank a b*tch for you.

if found crying, mind your business.

if i cared less, i’d be dead.

if karma doesn’t hit you, i will.

if lost, return to the nearest taco stand.

if you’re not yelling, you’re not bonding enough.

if you’re offended, that’s on you.

in case of emergency.

in my mom era.

infused with an identity crisis.

infused with melodramatic tendencies.

infused with playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.

infused with the same dick forever.

inner peace begins with: not my fucking problem.

interesting. incorrect, but interesting.

introvert smells like social allergies and cancelled plans.

it's giving hot mom.

it's not a job title, it's my life. - mom.

it’s not my pedo.

just another manic mom day.

just in case.

keep it lit, if you took a shit.

keep with you.

kids are hard. alcohol helps.

kids are hard. wine helps.

la experiencia nos vuelve terriblemente selectivos.

let that shit go.

let this candle handle the vibes,you handle the glass of wine.

life gave me a best friend with main character energy.

life is better with mom's cuisine.

life is tough, but so are you.

life long bestie. - girl mom.

life smells better by the candlelight.

little miss not your bitch.

little miss procrastinator.

living off coffee.

llego.

look at us killin it in this marriage sh*t.

look at you making a human and shit.

los niños existen. el vino ayuda.

love that for you.

luz propia.

main character with side quests.

mama needs a break.

manifestando… desde lejos.

mansplainers get manslaughtered.

más cabrona que bonita.

más carácter que ruido.

matching each other’s delusion energy.

may as this wax melt, so do your worries.

me elijo.

me fui.

me fui a no pensar.

me mantengo.

me tomé el día libre de pensamientos.

me urge una revolcada. pero de olas, en la playita.

medito, pero no hago milagros.

meltdown manager.

men always find the audacity.

menos ruido.

mental breakdown candle.

mentally offline.

mentally at brunch.

mentally exhausted. emotionally unavailable.

mentally somewhere else entirely.

mente en calma.

mex i can.

mexico is always a good idea.

mi dieta: sobras que mi hijo dejó.

mi energía es sagrada, no pública.

mi estándar no es negociable.

mi lenguaje del amor es que no me molesten.

mi mejor actuación: parecer descansada.

mi nombre: mamámamámamá.

mi paz mental no está en promoción.

mi presencia es suficiente.

mi silencio también es una respuesta.

mi zona de confort ahora tiene límites.

mija, dream big.

mini unsaid.

modo pausa.

mom, you did a fkn amazing job.

mom: hot, happy, sleepless.

mom: professional multitasker and wine drinker.

mom's on a break, go ask dad.

mood: agotamiento funcional compra emocional: me siento vista.

mood: descanso mental compra emocional: me quiero ir.

mood: ironía defensiva.

mood: mente hiperactiva compra emocional: esto soy yo.

mood: sarcasmo consciente.

mood: seguridad.

mother f’n homeowners.

motherhood isn’t easy. that’s why dads don’t do it.

motherhood: powered by love. fueled by coffee. sustained by wine.

mothers love is unconditional, her temper is another subject.

mucha fe, poca tolerancia.

my adhd brain is hosting a cage match.

my best performance: looking well-rested.

my diet is unfinished kid food.

my dog and i talk shit about you.

my favorite child bought me this.

my favorite child gave me this.

my mantra: do it. - caffeinated mom.

my name: mother, mom, mommy, mama.

my patience died years ago.

my person.

my personality depends on how much sleep i got.

my real name is mommommommom.

my wife is psychotic.

namaste, bitches.

namasté… hasta aquí.

naps aren’t for kids. they’re for us.

need their attention? sit down comfortably.

never interrupt during coffee time. - mom.

nice, with boundaries.

no ardo en odio, ahorro energía.

no coffee, no workee.

no compito, me mantengo.

no discuto: observo y me retiro.

no disponible.

no disponible para el estrés.

no dramatizo, documento.

no es ego.

no es ego, es autoestima bien trabajada.

no es mala actitud, es cansancio acumulado.

no es personal, es general.

no estoy, ando recargando energía.

no explico.

no improviso: confío.

no me ajusto, encajo donde corresponde.

no me apuro: llego.

no me distraigo con lo irrelevante.

no me explico dos veces.

no me limito, me elijo.

no me pierdo, me priorizo.

no molestar, estoy fluyendo.

no negocio.

no persigo.

no persigo, selecciono.

no pido permiso, tomo decisiones.

no reacciono, observo.

no soy intensa, soy clara.

no soy negativa, soy realista con experiencia.

no soy opción, soy decisión.

no thoughts, just overthinking.

no todo el mundo merece acceso.

no todo es para todos, y yo estoy bien con eso.

not a pocketful of sunshine.

not a regular mom, a cool mom.

not everyone deserves a text back.

not my pedo.

not my problem.

not today, mainsplainer.

not today, satan.

observando.

one minor inconvenience away from disappearing into the woods.

out of patience.

overcommitted and under-rested.

overstimulated moms club.

palabras claras, energía tranquila.

para cuando ya diste todo… y un poco más.

partying with my kid = endless nursery songs.

pausa mental en proceso.

paz interior, excepto en horas laborales.

paz mental primero.

peace looks good on me (sometimes).

pensar de más también cansa.

personally victimized by my own child.

pienso, luego actúo.

pocket emotions.

pocket overthinking.

pour the wine, light a candle.

powered by caffeine and resentment.

powered by sarcasm and caffeine.

pretty but problematic.

primero yo, luego el mundo.

prioridades: café.

probably wine.

professional overthinker.

protect your mood.

punto final.

que todo fluya… menos mi paciencia.

quickest way to find something? call mom.

real pain: crib transfer with a sleeping baby.

recargando.

regreso cuando me acuerde.

reset.

resolviendo en silencio.

respirando — menta suave.

respirando mejor — aire fresco.

resting bitch face activated.

reunión que pudo ser correo.

romanticizing every minor inconvenience.

romanticizing my emotional damage.

running a tiny little gang.

running on caffeine, sarcasm and bad decisions.

running on rage and caffeine.

sanando.

sanando, no soportando.

se cierra una puerta y se abre un vinito.

send coffee.

short and dangerous like my patience.

si no suma, estorba.

si no suma, estorba. si estorba, se bloquea.

silence is golden. unless you have kids.

silence isn’t peace. it’s suspicious.

silencio interno — madera clara.

silencio no es paz, es sospecha.

sin explicaciones.

sin miedo al éxito.

sin prisa.

sin prisa — coco limpio.

sleep is now a theoretical concept.

smells like 3 hrs. of sleep.

smells like it’s not my problem.

smells like this meeting could have been an email.

smells like we're trauma boundend.

smells like: don´t talk to me, i´m booked.

so apparently, i have an attitude.

so, this is what being outside looks like.

sobreviviendo al excel.

soft on the outside. dead inside.

sonrisa corporativa activada.

sorry, i can´t. my dog said no.

sorry, still no grandkids, but heres a candle.

stfu i’m reading.

still gorgeous, still chaotic, still my bestie.

still here. barely.

surviving purely on vibes.

tengo fe, pero también paciencia limitada.

tengo luz, pero también carácter.

tengo paz, pero también límites.

terapia emocional patrocinada por el café.

thank you for being my unpaid therapist.

thank you for being my unpaid therapist and gossip partner.

thank you, mom.

thanks for being an awesome mom, keep that shit up.

that sounds like a you problem.

the path to inner peace begins with four words... not my fkn problem.

the secret is in the salsa.

therapy? nah, this candle’s cheaper.

this candle smells like unresolved issues.

this candle won’t fix everything, but it smells fucking great.

this candle’s bigger than your dick.

this could’ve been email.

this is me being calm.

this is my happy face. terrifying, right.

this meeting could have been an email.

this smells like i’m too pretty to be stressed.

this smells like avoiding responsibilities.

tiny breakdown.

tiny crisis.

tiny drama.

tiny meltdown.

tiny regrets.

tired but driven.

tomándome un descanso emocional.

too old for drama, still attending anyway.

too pretty to answer emails.

too tired to care, too nosy not to.

too tired to pretend.

trabajando duro… en mi paciencia.

trauma bonded and thriving.

try harder.

trying to be soft in a hard world.

unsaid pocket no.1.

unsaid pocket.

vibra bonita, comportamiento obligatorio.

vibro alto.

vibro alto, tolero poco.

volviendo a mí, espere en línea.

vuelvo mejor.

we parent our best and save for therapy.

we're a team. - dad so, where are you? - mom.

weekend! oh right… i’m a mom.

what the f*ck is happening.

what's your fuel? your kids? - no, coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

when they sleep, i hear myself again. glorious.

where do you work? home. and rest? home.

wick shorter than my temper.

wildly unqualified but deeply committed.

work bestie the one who knows my eye rolls & all the gossip.

you adulted enough today.

you got this, mija. stay focused.

you're a psychopath i prefer creative.

you’re my favorite btch to btch about other b*tches with.

zen por dentro, filosa por fuera.

zero fucks.